The Confession Chronicles

Why I went downtown that day to St. Michael's, and what happened after that

Last week’s trip to St. Michael’s Church has opened up the discussion to one of humanity’s favorite topics. Confession!

Do you go to Confession? If not, did you ever go? Do you think about going?

Here is something to think about: You do not have to be Catholic. I read an interview with a priest at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City and he said people from all faiths turn up in the booth, for all kinds of reasons. In one “Seinfeld” episode, Jerry Seinfeld goes into a confessional!

Another thing to think about: Confession is still done just as it was in the Middle Ages and before then. No “virtual” confessions. It is just as it was in the 3rd century.

I wrote a story on Confession for The Buffalo News and Father Ben Fiore at St. Michael’s said to me: “I’ve heard everything from murder to hitting your brother.”

St. Michael’s Church is known as the Confession Capital of Buffalo. Was known, anyway. If the church closes as it is scheduled to, that will be the end of that. Already, since the Jesuits left the church confession times have shrunk there. You will likely hear fewer stories like mine.

Well, let’s be honest here, there are no stories like mine.

My confession story is insane!

I was away from confession for, I don’t know, 20 or 25 years. I just did not go. One friend, after the St. Michael’s story, asked me why that was. I think I can tell you. I was, simply, a cafeteria Catholic. I had grown up with the faith and my parents tried their best, however I just did not take it very seriously. Maybe it was the loopy masses I grew up with, I mean with songs like “Blowin’ in the Wind.” A lot of things did not help. However I do not want to blame it either. It could very well be that I was simply a complete bonehead.

I guess my reasoning ran something like: God will understand if I do not go to confession. Heck, I confess my sins every Sunday at mass along with the rest of the congregation. Beyond that, I simply did not think about it. I would go to Mass most Sundays. There were Sundays I missed and I did not think about that either. And Holy Days of Obligation, forget it. I simply skipped them. I went to Communion, la la la la la la la.

Here is one thing I remember, speaking of all that. At St. Gerard’s, where I would play the organ at the Vigil Mass at the time I began dating Howard, there was this deacon there, Deacon Jimmy. Deacon Jimmy was a tall stern black man. He would be assisting the priest as the priest distributed communion and I remember Deacon Jimmy would give me this look. This look of fierce reprimand. I never understood it so I simply shrugged it off. I notice that I keep writing the word “simply.” “Simple” can mean “stupid.” It does not have to mean that but it can.

Then we hit one of our big waves of church closings, and St. Gerard’s closed. Heartbroken, helpless and furious, I had to look for another church to sort of go to.

One night I had to go to St. Anthony of Padua downtown to review a concert. I noticed a sign for a Latin Mass there at 9 a.m. I remember thinking, I’m a journalist, I have been hearing about this Latin Mass business. Maybe I should go and find out what it’s about. I need to go somewhere anyway.

To my surprise, the next morning, there I was. The story of my first Latin Mass is a whole other story. For now I will keep it simple — that word again — and just say that I fell in love with it in literally two seconds. I didn’t know what was going on, but I just loved it. The music. The incense. The atmosphere. Everything.

So boom, overnight my life changed. Mass stopped being something I kind of put up with and it became the highlight of my week.

However.

It still did not occur to me to go to Confession!

I went through another six months without going. And again, it just simply did not cross my mind. I honestly cannot explain this. You would think it would have at least occurred to me.

Finally it did.

It was Holy Week, 2008, about six months after that first Latin Mass. And I decided I should go. Odd, I did not realize it was required of me to go, that without going to confession I should not be going to communion. I just kind of got a yen to go.

So I made this date with myself, I would go downtown to St. Michael’s.

I remember the day, clear and cold. I wore a long dress and a long coat and heels and pearls. When I got there, there was this long line for one priest, and nobody in line for another priest. I took the road less traveled. You can read the whole story here.

That is a day I will always remember. I wish I could live it over. By the way when I was at St. Michael’s last week, the caretaker there, he remembered that situation, that some years ago there was a priest everyone went to, and a priest no one stood in line for because nobody wanted to go to him. I am glad I chose the priest nobody wanted to go to because I would not want to change one thing about that day.

I should map out a Confession Digest. I am doing this for myself as well as for anyone else who is interested. Reading back on these just now, I have to say I was laughing and laughing. I do not suggest reading them all at once, but here they are for when any of us needs a laugh.

The crazy story of my First Confession, when I was a kid. It was not normal!

My first confession after a million years. (the story I linked to up above)

Yikes! I meet my confessor at a party! (Howard asked him, “What did she tell you?”)

When a priest at St. Michael’s told me to come back in a week

What happened when I went back after a week — disaster

Mishap at St, Michael’s: When I overheard someone else’s confession!

Another St. Michael’s confession where the priest and I start off on the wrong foot, snapping at each other

My confession in Chicago where a card came out of the confessional like your receipt at an ATM

At St. Benedict’s: Oh no, I walked in on someone!

Ah, the memories!

They make me feel so sad that St. Michael’s is closing. However they also make me think. For anyone on the fence about going to confession, just do it. You will feel all shiny and new. However over and above all that, you will have a story to tell.

And when you do, make sure you tell it to all of us.

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