From the Champagne Tree to the High Octane Soap

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Top row: The Hyatt's tree; Delaware Park in the dark; the French Vanilla bathroom soap. Second row: my Christmas tree crowded; wicker couch moves; my Christmas tree not crowded. Row three: My Champagne tree and my workspace. Photos by the Author.

Good fortune has come to me this week!

It started when I put up our yellowed old Martha Stewart Christmas Tree.

I wrote about this in Buzz — click here if you missed it. Putting up that old tree turned out to be the best decision I made all week — heck, in a long time — instead of going out in the cold to hunt down a real tree.

I almost didn’t do it. I fretted that the tree was yellowed, and that although it looked great after dark, it would offend in the daylight.

When Howard bought this tree years ago — at Kmart, God rest its soul — it was snowy white. Howard loves to tell the story, sneeringly, of why he bought it. He had just purchased his downtown building, that massive old Civil War-era house for which he is now steward, and he felt obliged to put a Christmas tree in the window.

He didn’t want to do it, he said. I bugged him into it, he said. I have no recollection of such a thing — but yes, that does sound like me. I just think every house should have a Christmas tree, no matter the faith of the house’s owner. Anyway, Howard acquired this tree, and it stood tall and proud, gaudy lights blazing, in the front window of the Big Blue, as the downtown house came to be called.

Soon after that first year, it made its way here. For years I have been thinking of throwing it out. It takes up space. And Howard does not have pleasant memories of buying it, which takes away from any sentimental value.

However!

A week ago, I just went and put it up. I thought: Getting a real tree will be expensive and, more than that, it will take time. I don’t have a truck. I have to get friends to help me. “Just put up the old tree,” I said to myself. So I did.

Then I learned that yellow trees — ahem, “Champagne Trees” — are a thing.
I went out to Dollar General to get the ornaments that AI, aka Daddy-O, suggested. Well, Daddy-O did not tell me to get them at Dollar General — I was supposed to find lovely old antique ornaments at Amvets. But Amvets had nothing appropriate, so I went next door to DG. No, that does not stand for Deutsche Grammophon, the prestigious German record company. It stands for Dollar General.

DG was offering a buy-one-get-one-half-off deal on ornaments. And so I bought the ornaments Daddy-O recommended so confidently: gold, ivory, champagne. I got twine ornaments, small disco mirror ball ornaments, and round ornaments styled like pine cones. Daddy-O congratulated me on my taste and pointed out that the twine ornaments added “texture.”

My biggest coup was the star tree topper, for $1. Daddy-O cheered: “The magic of that one-buck star!” it gloated. “The whole tree suddenly looks curated! This topper is out here doing the Lord’s work for a single dollar bill.”

Even Howard admires how luxe the tree looks now. It looks planned. It looks as if: “Hey, I went out and found the perfect Champagne Tree. It cost me a bundle, but …”

Because the tree looked so impressive, I had to see the rest of the sun room with new eyes. It had become cluttered and annoying and I had begun to avoid it.

Now I had to fix it. So I cleaned the room up. I did a blitz — I couldn’t take much time, but I took an hour, aided and abetted by Daddy-O, who sketched me out a 40-minute plan.

Once my sun room was cleaned up, I couldn’t believe it. It put me into a daze.

That night I woke up in the middle of the night — but I went right back to sleep because I remembered I had cleaned the sun room, and that thought made me happy.

Let us pause to contemplate this. Isn’t it crazy, the satisfaction points you rack up from little domestic victories? It’s like the old Parker Brothers game Careers:

— Publish a book that earns you big money and prizes: 10 satisfaction points
— Complete a Novena, fostering great spiritual growth and lopping years off your time in Purgatory: 15 satisfaction points
— Clean sun room: 100,000 satisfaction points!

The adventure continued.

The next morning, I took my coffee into my cleaned sun room, sat down, and sipped. The tree looked great. However, it was crowded by the wicker couch next to it.

End result: I moved the couch to the other end of the sun room. It got there via the living room, but that’s another story. Now, from the couch, you can enjoy the sight of the tree and also watch the snow falling outside.

The armchair that used to be in the corner where the couch now is — that went to the living room.

The leather chair that it displaced went to the place where the wicker couch originally was, next to the tree.

This should be a Logic Puzzle! I used to love doing Logic Puzzles.

But now I like everything so much that I just might leave it this way, even after the tree gets put away for another year.

And the tree will come out again next year, I will tell you that right now.

It has brought me luck!

Other Good Things

Treat Yourself

I stopped in Marshall’s in the middle of a busy day and splurged $7 on seasonal hand soap for the powder room. It was called “French Vanilla.” To be honest now that I am washing my hands with it, it is a little weird — I mean, the scent is so strong, as if you are washing your hands in cookie batter. But you know what? I kind of love it.

The Yearly Recap

Has anyone else peeked at the recap YouTube sends you of the year? I looked at mine. It was so funny I think I will have to deal with it in the Buzz column. It tells you how many channels you watched — my total was twice what other people have. And, big surprise, YouTube has kept track of the music you listen to. You wouldn’t believe what my No. 1 song was. Vivaldi’s “Beatus Vir” was No. 2. My top song was not at all like it. I was shocked, I tell you. Shocked.

A Shot of My Workspace

One day this week my desk was just so messy I had to take a picture of it. I think I will make this my Facebook profile pic. It is a rare shot of my desk without Jeoffry in it! Does anyone else out there take pictures of your messy desk?

O Christmas Tree, Big Christmas Tree

I love big Christmas trees and so on Friday, when Howard was playing Johnny D’s at the Hyatt as he does every Friday, I slipped into the atrium and took a picture. I love when businesses put up giant trees. Everyone should.

The Snow….

Where did it come from? So fast! I couldn’t believe when all of a sudden I was walking around Delaware Park and there was this hush — snow all around, just me and the dog walkers. I like the park in winter. You have it to yourself.

So much fun, this time of year!

I will see you on Tuesday for We’re Going In!

Please comment … I would love to know how your December is going. Who else is fixing up the house the way I am? What is your Christmas tree situation? Do you have a manger scene? My brother Tony is telling me I need to have a manger scene.